To combat this dangerous epidemic which threatens families of all faith traditions, ethnicities and socioeconomic levels, the diocese recently hosted an educational workshop for priests, deacons and parish leaders in the St. John Neumann Pastoral Center, Piscataway.

The Sept. 13 event came on the heels of the United States bishops’ revised statement on the issue, entitled When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women. In the document, the bishops condemn violence against another person in any form, and call on the Christian community to work vigorously against it.

"The Church can help break this cycle," the bishops wrote. "Many abused women seek help first from the Church because they see it as a safe place."

To ensure that parish communities are better equipped to assist those who turn to the Church in their time of need, the seminar offered an overall view of domestic violence, as well as specific action steps that can be taken to assist families in crisis.

Workshop presenters were members of the EVE (Elimination of Violence through Education) Coalition, whose purpose is to coordinate, promote and facilitate the activities of organizations and individuals dedicated to domestic violence prevention in New Jersey. The coalition is sponsored by Zonta International, a group of executives dedicated to advancing the status of women and promoting justice and universal respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms.

Silent witnesses

Even before the workshop began, attendees gained a greater awareness of the sobering reality of domestic violence by viewing the Silent Witness Exhibit. Life-sized wooden silhouettes, each representing a Middlesex County resident who died violently in the last few years, lined the corridor outside the conference room. A small plaque on each figure listed the individual’s first name and age, the date of the murder and the horrific details surrounding her death. Victims ranged from the smallest child to the elderly.

A larger version of the exhibit will be on display in the main lounge of the Rutgers College Student Center, New Brunswick, from Sept. 29 – Oct. 1.

Following a welcome by Bishop Paul G. Bootkoski, Cathy Cummings offered a broad overview of domestic violence, which included current statistics, sociological versus legal definitions of the problem and the complex emotional, financial and societal factors that often come into play when a family is coping with abuse. The executive director of the Resource Center for Women and Their Families, Hillsborough, noted that statistics only tell part of the story, since many abused women are too afraid or ashamed to admit they are victims.

Because the problem often remains hidden, Cummings said, it is essential that parishes clearly establish themselves as safe havens and encourage victims of domestic violence to come forward within the confines of this protected, confidential environment.

She explained that domestic violence can take many shapes, ranging from the visible signs of physical abuse to the more insidious psychological abuse which "warps a woman’s spirit and erodes her sense of self." In all cases, the abuser exerts power and control over a relationship through a damaging pattern of behavior.

Cummings also advised workshop attendees about the myriad reasons that a victim of domestic violence might choose to stay in an abusive relationship. Most of the time, she said the decision revolves around a combination of fear and hope.

"[Victims] are often in the most physically dangerous position when they’re trying to leave their abusers," she said. "And most people who enter into a committed relationship have an ideal in mind. They think and hope it will last forever . . . Many women have the misplaced faith that an abusive person will wake up one day and change."

Often, victims are worried about the financial repercussions of leaving an abusive partner, especially when they have children to support.