Hospital chaplains bring spiritual comfort during a season of grace, peace
Not long into an interview with The Catholic Spirit, it became
clear that Father Sean G. Winters, chaplain in Raritan Bay Medical
Center, Perth Amboy, is beloved by many, even those he’s
only met once or twice. Over a two-hour span, people
politely interrupted and introduced themselves. One
couple explained they hadn’t seen Father Winters in
18 years, since a family member died, but they heard
his voice and remembered his kindness. “He’s a great
guy,” they said.
Father Winters says it’s an experience that occurs often. He recalls being in a mall buying shoes when a 16-year-old came to him and said, “Thank you.” The teen remembered Father Winters because he was there when the boy’s grandmother died.
That reaction is familiar to many who minister to the sick. Oblate Father David B. Kosmoski, an assistant chaplain at JFK Medical Center, Edison, and pastor of St. Andrew Parish, Avenel, recalls visiting another hospital and meeting a man in the parking lot. He had ministered to the man’s mother at JFK a few weeks previously and arranged a family reconciliation. “She told her children she loved them and her greatest wish would be for them to be at peace and love and care for one another,” he recalled.
The man asked Father Kosmoski to visit the mother and anoint her again. “I gave her the blessing,” he remembered. “She died within that hour and they were all together.”
Holiday Care
Providing spiritual comfort to the sick and suffering is difficult during any time of year. It’s even more difficult during the holidays, when the sounds of the season sometimes conflict with medical reality.
“The difficulty is that the world seems so happy, yet your heart is breaking because a loved one is sick, or worse a loved one is dying,” explained Father Winters. “Since they can’t go to church, the Church comes to them.”
The importance of ministering to not just the patient, but the patient’s family is quickly learned by those in medical ministry. “The first thing is to let the patient and their family know they’re cared for and thought of during this season of grace and peace and say, ‘We’re praying for you,’” explained Father Kosmoski. “I usually say that Christ came during the season for the suffering and the sick. Mary knew what it was to experience trials, Jesus was born away from home.”
“We’ve all lost loved ones,” said Father Winters. “You hear ‘I’ll be Home for Christmas’ on the radio, but some of these people won’t be. How do you help them?”
That question is one Father Winters has tried answering since he joined hospital ministry after his ordination 18 years ago. “Bishop [Edward T.] Hughes and Bishop Paul [G. Bootkoski] always talk about the ministry of presence. I didn’t know what it meant when I was ordained. I know now.”
That knowledge came through personal tragedy and heartbreak. In 1988, his father John, an usher in St. Patrick Cathedral, New York City, was killed by a deranged homeless man. In 1995, his mother Rita died of cancer on Thanksgiving Day.
“I can’t remember what I had for dinner three nights ago, but I remember what happened when my parents died and the priests who visited me,” he says. It’s a memory he keeps close every time he prays with a hospital patient or a family. “It’s not that they know I was there, but that they know a priest was there.”
Critical Situations
“The hard part is getting a call at 2 a.m. and it’s a trauma,” Father Winters said.
Last year, a young boy was brought to the emergency room at Raritan Bay after drowning. Although medical staff were working valiantly to save his life, it became evident they wouldn’t succeed. Father Winters spent more than two hours with the family. When news reports mentioned the effect his visit had on the family, he was touched, “I felt a real sense of mission. You realize that you made a difference.”
Chaplains also affect the lives of hospital employees. “The presence of Father Sean makes a big difference,” said Susan Pasternack, director of Volunteers at Raritan Bay.
“You minister to the staff, too,” Father Winters explained. “I’ve been here long enough that people know me. Just being here says volumes to the staff.”
“You must feel at home with the hospital and the people you work with,” declared Father Gregorio Neri, a chaplain in Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, New Brunswick.
Father Winters agreed. “A hospital chaplain needs to make the hospital his parish.”
A Faith Connection
“Because he is a priest, he can offer what we never can, a connection with God,” explained Diane Mansmann, program coordinator for the Crisis Stabilization Unit at Raritan Bay, and parishioner in St. Mary Parish, Perth Amboy.
That search for a religious connection isn’t limited to those of the same faith. “I’m not only there for Catholics, I’m called to minister to all,” explained Father Neri. “I know there are some limitations, but I still like to visit and give my spiritual and emotional support.”
“It’s something they want around, whether Catholic, Jewish, Hindu, or any other faith,” Mansmann explained.
“They ask about how we celebrate Christmas,” said Carmelite Father Pauly Thekkan, a chaplain at JFK. “They want to know about our [customs.]”
“I can pray with anyone of any faith,” Father Winters said. “We’re all on a journey. Death is universal. When the Church can be with someone at those moments we bring great joy and peace to their lives.”
Explaining the Difference
Meeting with a member of the clergy can help a patient’s or family’s spirit more than a positive medical diagnosis. “A priest comes in and puts his hands on you. That’s the difference,” explained John ‘Rocky’ DeNardo, a parishioner of St. Stephen Parish, Perth Amboy, a patient visited by Father Winters.
DeNardo, owner of DeNardo’s Gym, Perth Amboy, suffered a heart attack July 22. Doctors put in a stint, but complications made it necessary for him to spend two December days in the hospital.
“The power of prayer is the only thing you have,” DeNardo explained. “It’s that personal touch from a priest who comes and prays with you. You know God is with you because he is a servant of God.”
“I had someone tell me their mom died and they couldn’t find a priest,” Father Winters remembered. “It was 20 years ago and she couldn’t forget it. No one is going to say that when I’m here.”
Christmas in Perspective
No matter the time of year, the feelings of those confined to a hospital are universal.“They miss their home and families,” said Father Vincent P. Chen, a chaplain in Warren Hospital, Phillipsburg.
“It’s not just sharing presents, it’s sharing presence,” Father Winters explained.“The mystery is that we’re celebrating the birth of Jesus, one of the most profound miracles of the human world and yet you’re told by a doctor you can’t go home. You feel sad, lonely and isolated. At those moments, that profound moment of the birth of Jesus comes into the hospital.”
“Sometimes, receiving the sacraments is a source of comfort,” said Father Lazaro Perez, a chaplain in St. Peter’s University Hospital. “Although they’re not home with family, it’s a consolation for many of them.”
“People think a hospital is a sad place,” Father Winters said. “It’s not always. There’s a [Christmas] tree. There are people working here. The goal is to make it as normal and human and real as possible. In an abnormal situation, I’m trying to help them find normalcy.”
*The attached/referenced article was originally published in The Catholic Spirit, the official newspaper of the Diocese of Metuchen, and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law