Plan your family the natural way
Couples say natural family planning strengthens physical, emotional relationship
By Erick Rommel
Head Staff Writer
When couples arrive at natural family planning classes, there are certain questions that are always asked. The diocesan Family Life Office would like to provide the answers to these and other questions to as many couples as possible by focusing attention on natural family planning, particularly during the Natural Family Planning Awareness Week, July 23-29.
The three most common misconceptions couples have are that NFP is the same rhythm method once used by their grandmother; that it is “Catholic contraception” resulting in large families; and that people practice it out of strict obedience to church teaching.
Advocates of NFP are quick to explain that it is not the old rhythm method of years ago but a combination of scientifically proven, reliable methods. “Everything that we teach in our course proves that NFP is 99 percent effective or better,” said Rosemary Kern, who has taught NFP with her husband Steve for more than two decades. “The caveat we give to couples is to follow the guidelines. It is the same with [oral contraceptives]. If a woman takes the pill when she is supposed to, it is 99 percent effective. When you don’t, it’s less.”
The NFP teaching couples dispel the myth of large families as well. The Kerns have three children, all through planned pregnancies; Patrick and Charity O’Kane have one child, and Phil and Freda Russo have four children. Roger and Paula Miller and Chuck and Colleen Nejmeh, a teaching couple in training, have no children.
And while the couples believe it is important to follow the church’s teaching, “That’s not solely why we do it,” said Patrick O’Kane.
Students to teachers
Teaching couples are drawn to their ministry in different ways. The Kerns, whose children are 21, 19, and 13 years old, first heard about the program approximately one year after they were married in October 1978. They were assisting at a pre-Cana session at Our Lady of Peace Parish, Fords.
“I was kind of suspicious about it,” Rosemary said. “We went to our first class to figure out what it was. We were looking for something that not only gave us a physical health solution, but also helped us in keeping with Catholic teaching.”
“We tried it,” Steve said, “and we loved it.”
The Kerns asked their instructors why more people did not know about NFP. When they were told there were not enough teachers, they took classes and became instructors themselves.
Patrick and Charity O’Kane, whose son is two years old, have taught natural family planning for almost five years. Charity recalled being “bombarded” with information about birth control while she was in college. “I was a resident assistant,” she said. “We handed out condoms on a regular basis.”
The O’Kanes learned about NFP during a class at St. Vincent Hospital in New York. “We couldn’t believe we hadn’t heard anything about it before.” Charity said. “We were well educated; we both had our master’s degrees and had never heard about it.” During their final class, couples were asked if they were interested in becoming NFP teachers. The O’Kanes volunteered. When they moved to New Jersey, they continued teaching.
Learning the signs
Father Timothy A. Christy, pastor of St. Magdalen Parish, Flemington, is the spiritual moderator for the diocesan natural family planning program. He offers support and encouragement to teaching couples while helping them to understand church teaching about sexuality and procreation.
“It’s how God created men and women and how he intends to cooperate with the relationship of the man and the woman in order to bring new life to the world and unity to the couple,” said Father Christy. “If we have a strong married couple we have a strong family and if we have strong families we can have a strong church.”
Couples become interested in NFP for a variety of reasons. Some have been using birth control and do not like what it has been doing to their relationship; others have never had premarital sex and want to bring NFP into their marital relationship from the very beginning. There are also couples who express interest in NFP because they wish to become pregnant.
The NFP program involves four classes, taught five weeks apart. “We teach three major bodily signs that change throughout a woman’s cycle that need to be charted (written down),” Steve Kern explained. The signs, which determine whether a woman is fertile, are body temperature, mucus and cervical changes.
“When we talk to women about the three signs, they say they always knew [the signs] were there but just didn’t know how they were related to fertility.” Rosemary Kern said.
In addition to discussing fertility signs, teachers discuss how sexuality is portrayed in the media. “Couples realize there is stress in marriage and stress about sex and that what television teaches isn’t the every day norm,” said Charity O’Kane.
“It helps them to get a better understanding, not just about NFP but also about sex and marriage. [Society says] you should be having sex all the time, that that’s what marriage is all about,” she added, “but it’s not.”
Couples who practice NFP say they also learn how to strengthen their marital bond. “It makes our relationship stronger when we are not solely depending on sex . . . it is not the only thing between a couple,” she said.
“During the abstinence period we don’t abstain from loving one another in other ways,” explained Steve Kern. “Although we are refraining from genital contact, we still hug and kiss and go out to dinner. That’s all part of marital enrichment.
“Before living NFP we thought of abstinence as a negative thing. Far from being negative, it turned out to be quite a positive thing,” Steve added. “When we are back to the infertile period it is like a mini honeymoon.”
Stronger families
The spiritual differences between NFP and contraception are also discussed during class. “It’s the means to an end that is important,” said Rosemary Kern. “One way is to eliminate fertility deliberately. The other way, which is NFP, is to understand your fertility as a gift from God and to work around it the way God made you.”
“This is the key difference between NFP and contraception,” Steve said. “Although we use it to postpone pregnancy, we’re always open to life.”
In addition to teaching natural family planning in the diocese, Rosemary is the coordinator of fertility awareness for Saint Peter’s University Hospital, New Brunswick. She said NFP classes at the hospital are almost identical to those taught through the diocese.
When Father Christy talks with couples about NFP in connection with church teaching, he discusses the effect it has on their relationship and how understanding fertility helps a couple find happiness and peace with each other.
“I have listened to many couples who have contracepted in their marriage as they shared the psychological pain that was almost imperceptible,” he said. “The sex act became a power thing and contraception prevented them from facing other things in their relationship, how they spent their money, how they spent their time. It was all tied up with their love making and how open and honest they were with each other.”
“We use it to back up every decision we make, as far as our family is concerned,” said Charity O’Kane. “You start to have faith that God developed you a special way.”
“It’s really starting to pervade our entire thought process,” agreed Patrick. “We try to eat healthier; we try to look at things in light of what is the most natural thing to do. God’s got a plan for what we should do with this world and we follow that.”
“It might be difficult at times,” Steve Kern said, “but at those times we talk about it. We say, ‘Tonight practicing NFP may be difficult, but over the course of our marriage we know this works for us.’”
“It makes [our relationship] a lot stronger,” Patrick O’Kane said. “[Charity is] not an object to be desired. She’s a human being who has all sorts of feelings.”
“It makes our relationship stronger when we’re not depending solely on sex. It’s not the only thing between us,” said Charity.
Program, couples are certified
The diocese’s NFP program and its teaching couples are certified through the Diocesan Development Program for Natural Family Planning under the auspices of the Pro-Life Office of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, according to Judith A. Psota, director of the diocesan Family Life Office.
She said she is “extremely proud” of the teaching couples. “They are a group of dedicated loving couples volunteering not only their time but their expertise, knowledge and ‘lived experience’ of natural family planning,” she said.
Three signs of fertility
The diocesan natural family planning program is a series of four classes, each taught five weeks apart. During this time, couples become more familiar with their fertility and aware of its signs over several full cycles. It also gives teaching couples the opportunity to discuss the church’s teaching on sexuality and learn how to deal with the period of abstinence through enhancing intimacy in their relationship in other ways, which is a critical component of the program for those who are postponing pregnancy.
During these classes, couples learn about the scientific basis for natural family planning and receive basic instruction regarding the male and female reproductive anatomy. They are also taught three signs used to determine the fertile days of the woman’s cycle:
Basal body temperature – The first sign is basal body temperature, which does not give advance notice of ovulation but does assist in determining when the fertile phase ends. The BBT is the woman’s wake-up temperature, or the temperature of her body at rest. Couples practicing NFP chart this temperature on a daily basis. Before ovulation, the BBT is at a lower level. After an egg is released, the temperature rises. Those wishing to postpone pregnancy abstain from genital contact until at least three days following a BBT increase. Those wishing to become pregnant begin having intercourse before the BBT begins to rise.
Cervical mucus – The changing pattern of cervical mucus determines when the fertile phase begins and ends. Mucus begins as ovulation approaches. This marks the start of the fertile phase, which usually lasts 7-10 days. Spouses wishing to postpone pregnancy should abstain from genital contact from the beginning of cervical mucus until the third night of an increased BBT. Those desiring a pregnancy should have intercourse when the mucus is slippery.
Cervix position – The third sign that students are taught to observe is the position of the cervix. As ovulation approaches, the cervix moves from a low, firm, closed position to a high, soft, open position. After ovulation, it returns to its original position. Couples who are postponing pregnancy can use the cervix position to double check the cervical mucus observations and abstain during days of high, soft, open cervix readings. Couples desiring a pregnancy would have intercourse on the days of high, soft, open cervix readings combined with fertile cervical mucus observations.
Editor’s note: The information contained in this article is an overview of natural family planning. Readers are advised to take one of the natural family planning courses offered through the diocesan Family Life Office.
For information about NFP, contact the Family Life Office at (732) 562-1990 ext. 1624; visit the family life website; or e-mail familylife@diometuchen.org.
*The attached/referenced article was originally published in The Catholic Spirit, the official newspaper of the Diocese of Metuchen, and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law