He chooses God & the girl
By Kathleen Ogle
Managing Editor
Discerning a vocation to the priesthood seems like an odd topic for a television reality series. Unlike some reality shows in which contestants compete for money, a job or even a spouse, God or the Girl followed four young men as they discerned their call to the priesthood. All bright, handsome, ambitious and articulate, they were seeking God’s will for their lives. Should they enroll in the seminary and become Roman Catholic priests or should they marry a woman and settle down with a family? A press release for the series called it “the ultimate choice between two goods.”
Beginning Easter Sunday night, God or the Girl followed Mike, Dan, Steve and Joe’s discernment process through five episodes. At the series’ conclusion, Mike decided to marry his girlfriend. After walking 22 miles carrying a wooden cross, Dan decided that for the time being he would continue to serve the church in lay ministry. A trip to Guatemala confirmed Steve’s desire to serve the people of God as a priest, and he announced to his friends that he was entering the seminary.
The series documented two of Joe’s journeys. First, he traveled to Germany for World Youth Day, and then without any money he set out for Niagara Falls, trusting God and relying on the kindness of strangers. In the final episode, Joe informed his family that he had finally decided he would not become a priest. He hopes to marry and have a family.
The series portrayed the men as agonizing over their decision, hoping and praying they would make the “right choice.” Joe, whose full name is Joseph Adair, feels that he did. In an interview with The Catholic Spirit, Adair said that he had been discerning a vocation to the priesthood for 10 years when A&E producers approached him about the show.
Worth the risk
The sixth of eight children, Adair recalled feeling a desire to serve the church from a young age. He attended Catholic high school and at age 18 attended Borromeo College Seminary in Cleveland. He considered both diocesan priesthood and religious life and spent time as a postulant with the Capuchin Friars and as a novice with the Jesuits.
At age 28, when the show’s producers approached him about the series, Adair felt he was at a point where he wanted to make a decision and move forward with his life. His initial reaction to being invited on the series, however, was it was not worth the risk. “Practically speaking, this was coming out of Hollywood. I was concerned that it could hurt the church and it could make me look like an idiot,” he said.
But he prayed about it, and in that prayer he experienced consolation. “God wanted me to do it. So I decided to do it,” he said.
He feels that participation in the series helped his discernment process by encouraging him to articulate his feelings. “It gave me the opportunity and the energy to push myself to do it. I needed to do it,” he said.
Since the series aired, Adair has received e-mails and phone calls about how the show has helped others in their faith. “If it helped people then it was worth it,” he said.
One significant alteration that took place between the show’s conceptual-ization and its broadcast was that the name of the series changed. Originally titled The Holy Journey, the producers decided God or the Girl was more marketable. Adair said that he and the other discernees were unhappy with the name change. “We are all called to seek God’s will for our lives,” he said. The juxtaposition of “God” and “girl” is not an accurate representation of the discernment process.
What really happened?
The program also portrayed, or rather misportrayed, Adair as being shy and socially awkward with women. Adair, who is outgoing and personable, joked that he now refers to himself as “my character on the show.”
In the series, while planning the trip to Germany for World Youth Day, Joe decided to arrange a meeting with his friend, Anna. Viewers watched as Joe waited anxiously for her at the train station only to be stood up. What actually happened was quite different.
Although she agreed to be interviewed for the series, she was adamant that her meeting with Joe not be filmed. After promising Anna there would be no cameras, Adair ducked the television crew and met up with Anna. “We sat by the river for five hours and had a nice long afternoon together. We talked about stuff, hugged at the end and went our separate ways,” he said.
The producers were upset that Anna wouldn’t cooperate, Adair said; if they couldn’t show it on television, it didn’t happen. “Anna said no cameras and I honored that. My friendship with her is more important than the TV show,” he said.
During the series viewers watched Adair confront several issues that many prospective candidates for religious life must face. Sometimes, priesthood or religious life must face. Sometimes, priesthood or religious life may be perceived — often unconsciously — as a retreat from the world. Adair had to face the fact fear of rejection by the opposite of the sex was not a good reason to become a priest.
Another issue that many candidates must face is that they may be trying to fulfill a parent’s “missed vocation.” Before Adair’s parents met, his father was preparing to be a priest and his mother was planning to enter religious life as a sister. Instead they got married and raised a family. Adair believes that to a certain degree he was attempting to live out his parents’ vocations.
A third issue, a desire to be special, is often felt among those considering a religious vocation. As one of eight children, Adair said he thought that becoming a priest would have been a way to be special and get attention. The need to be special, he said, was a sign of immaturity which he feels he has outgrown.
Adair still desires to serve the church, but he wants to do so while in a relationship with a family. He believes he has the talent and disposition to be a good priest, but he does not feel called to lifelong celibacy. “Today there are so many options to serve the church. As a lay person I can still do a great deal of good for the church. Ultimately, I have to find what God is calling me to do,” he said.
“Each person has a vocation and those vocations can be different,” he continued. “I discovered when I was with the Jesuits that my deepest desire and God’s deepest desire are the same. But to know your deepest desire takes work. You have to have self knowledge, a strong prayer life and spiritual direction.
“Knowing your deepest desire takes time. It has to be purified. Ultimately, we’re all seeking happiness and God wants us to be happy.”
Although he does not believe God is calling him to celibacy, he respects the church’s teaching. His statement — that he does not feel celibacy and the priesthood are mutually exclusive — was probably the most controversial statement in the series, which was remarkably respectful of the Catholic Church and the priesthood.
“Feelings are subjective. I’m not saying what I think or know. Those are my feelings. It would be great if we can talk about it in the church. But I also trust in the church and I trust the leadership and will learn to understand why the church has these teachings,” he said.
Adair is now in graduate studies at John Carroll University in Cleveland, where he is also coordinating the university’s service learning programs. He is a resident minister with the school’s campus ministry.
A tool for vocations directors
The U.S. Catholic Conference of Bishops’ Secretariat for Vocations and Priestly Formation, which consulted on the series, suggested that it could be a valuable tool for vocations directors. Father Randy Vashon, vocations director for the Diocese of Metuchen, said he planned to order the series on DVD to share with young men considering the priesthood.
Father Vashon said he does not send prospective candidates for the priesthood on pilgrimages without any money or to developing countries. Nor would he suggest that someone carry a heavy wooden cross for 22 miles.
“A pilgrimage can be helpful,” he said, “but it’s not necessary.” Instead, he requires inquirers into the priesthood to make a five-day retreat. “The retreat is a journey, a stepping back, going to the mountaintop experience like Jesus spent in prayer and resting,” he said.
“The series was overly dramatic, but it got people talking about vocation and the priesthood, which I love,” Father Vashon said.
Considering a vocation?
The diocesan Vocations Office and Serra Clubs are sponsoring their ninth Life Awareness Weekend specifically for those with questions about vocations.
Held at the Sacred Heart Retreat Center, Newton, July 21-23, the event is open to men and women ages 18 to 50. Participants in the three-day event will explore the rewards and obligations that go with priesthood and religious life through prayer, presentations, discussions and consultation led by priests, sisters, brothers and seminarians from the diocese.
The only requirements to attend are that the participant is single and has a high school diploma or its equivalent. The deadline for registration is July 14. No applications will be accepted after that date. For more information, contact the diocesan
Vocations Office, (732) 562-2457. All calls are confidential. Those interested can also register online at www.diometuchen.org/vocations/
*The attached/referenced article was originally published in The Catholic Spirit, the official newspaper of the Diocese of Metuchen, and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law