Columnist
Nature vs. nurture: Why good kids turn bad
The obituaries might be the most popular section of most local newspapers. But in my hometown, I’d bet second place goes to a column called “The Police Blotter.” Sometimes buried among the items about lost wallets and disorderly conduct is the story of a kid gone seriously wrong.
Recently, a boy I know from the high school car pool to sports practice was arrested not far from his home. The charges included possession of drugs and the evidence suggested that some of it was packaged for resale.
It was sad but not entirely surprising. In the early days of the driving arrangement, I smelled alcohol on his parent’s breath and quickly made some permanent adjustments to the pick-up schedule.
I’ve been thinking about this kid, a tall, good-looking young man with all the promise that youth holds. It’s easy to take a story like his and assign blame.
Substance abuse. Inattentive parenting. It’s the mom’s fault. It’s the dad’s fault. The community did not give him what he needed.
But these explanations are incomplete. For every story like his there’s another of a kid triumphing over long odds to do the right thing.
When social science students study human development, they confront the concept of nature versus nurture. It’s often presented as a question of balance.
How much of who we become is determined by nature — biology, genetics, brain chemistry, whatever? How much can be attributed to nurture, the human-created environment in which we are raised? Nurture acknowledges the impact of the home and also, society.
There is no right answer to the question. It’s meant to kick start a discussion about how we become who we are. But we usually hold within us some idea of how to credit the results. Statements like “My father has a temper, too” or “I was raised to speak my mind” yield clues.
Good nurturance isn’t a vaccination against bad judgment. A teen I know well recently made some pretty poor decisions and told some serious lies. She comes from an intact family without substance-abuse problems. She grew up surrounded by loving relatives.
Nature versus nurture doesn’t tell the whole story. Self-development is complex and a third wild-card factor, personal autonomy or free will, may trump both biology and environment.
Statistically speaking, good kids come from good families but statistics speak of likelihood, not guarantees. Kids from imperfect families can turn out to be model humans and those from good families can go wrong.
Matthew refers to false prophets when he tells us that a good tree cannot bear bad fruit. When applied to kids, it’s better to think in terms of the final product since sometimes the ripening process is not as smooth as is hoped for.
Parents live in a house of cards. Despite our efforts at arranging the deck, an ill wind, a bad decision can blow it all down.
It’s easy to read The Police Blotter and point a finger. It’s much harder to accept that even with good parenting, our children remain vulnerable to impulsiveness and poor choices.
Caroline Calogero can be reached at ccalogero@comcast.net.
*The attached/referenced article was originally published in The Catholic Spirit, the official newspaper of the Diocese of Metuchen, and is protected under U.S. and international copyright law